Yesterday, Sophia had her first appointment with audiology to go over her hearing chart and to get fitted for her first pair of hearing aids. I cried that morning before we left. With all things in Sophia up and down road to recovery and uncovering her syndrome, the findings and discoveries are often a perfect blend of hope, weary, fear and wonder. So I cried, I often find that in getting my hopes up about things I sometimes and often am let down. Just as often as Im let down, I find I am only to be lifted by something different and unexpected with Sophia. I cried because I want to have hope that the hearing aids will work and give Soph enough aid in her hearing that she can one day talk to her mommy and daddy. I cried because I know I have to keep reality at an equal level as hope. I always hope for more for better for miracles but in reality I have to stay grounded and know there are possibilities for failures and for more procedures and different paths. So I cried. The hearing test stated that Sophia has profound loss in the right ear and moderate loss in the left. The audiologist said even with a hearing aid Sophia will not gain enough hearing in the right hear to be able to learn speech however she said it is possible that in the left ear Sophia may gain enough hearing in that ear to be able to distinguish and learn speech. As in all things, this we will not know until Sophia is able to tell us and show us how she is hearing after the hearing aids are in place. So time will tell. Sophia was wonderful as usual. She truly is the best baby. She sat patiently as they squirted this caulking like paste into her ears and allowed it to harden to form a mold of her inner ear to fit the hearing aid too. Since the hearing aids are bound to stick out like a sore thumb we ordered purple hearing aids with purple glitter plugs. Hey if you have to wear accessories they might as well be stylish, am I right? It is also my hopes that other kids and people will think they look cool and not judge her for having to wear hearing aids. The hearing aids with ordering and insurance will take anywhere from two weeks to a month to be ready. At that time, we will go back in to have them placed and programed for her hearing needs. I truly HOPE this is the start of something good, something wonderful. I am anxious to see a different in how she reacts and responds to sound. For having hearing loss now, Sophia is very aware of her surroundings and reacts and responds to things now that you would think she wouldn't be able to based on the test results. Its a fine line being aware and knowing of certain findings and results and then seeing and hoping and believing in things you cannot see and some things you do. This is were I waver between the hope and reality of our situation. I am fulling aware and willing to learn sign and help Soph in all ways possible but to hear her say mommy and to be able to talk with her as any other child....my heart as a feeling in it right now that I cannot describe. I think that is what HOPE feels like...
