These are the things that consume most of my thoughts lately....
I feel like a part-time parent
I feel like a visitor to my daughter
Is it bad that I don't anticipate home is getting any closer and I am okay with that
I hate (bleep bleeping) tubes!!!
Wow, I love my husband... I really do have a great guy
Sophie you are the cutest lil lady
Why are we still on the vent, wasn't the trach suppose to fix everything
Do these doctors really know what they are talking about...
Can I go back to work
Can I afford to stay home
Should we move to a new home
Maybe I can work from home, I am creative
Will John and I ever have another date night
How strong do you think I will be after lifting that wagon everyday
Do I really have to wait until the summer to watch more True Blood
Why does my face look like I re-enter puberty
The first 20lbs came off easily, why can't I shed the rest!
Will people talk about my daughter behind my back
Best Friends????
Do you think people will mind if a pour a glass of wine and then drink the whole bottle
Man, I sure hope my students aren't reading my blog
Students, if you're reading my blog- know I am human and no teachers are not aliens
I hope Sophie has more surprises up her sleeves
For such a little girl, she sure can make a big stink
I pretend that when I go home to sleep, that Sophia sleeps the whole night so I don't feel guilty for leaving
If one more person asks can I do anything for you, I might tell them... to go wash my car:)
I wonder if purell hand sanitzer will always remind me of my daughter
Am I a good mom
Can I do this on my own
Gosh, I am lucky to have John
What is the date... the day of the week..
Oh wow, its 7:30 already
Suction Suction Suction
What is the cafeteria serving today...Can I HEPSCHU
How did my house get so dirty, I am never home
Insurance Company, I love and hate our LOVE/HATE relationship
This is the first time in my life I do not have a plan for the future
Sophie is blessed to be born into a family that loves her so much
People really are GOOD
Will we ever have other babies
Are family vacations out of the question... how much are nannies/nurses
Will it get easier....
I love your honesty. We are blessed that you share your innermost thoughts with us. Thank you for giving us a window into your world, so we can support you and John as best we know how. I feel fairly confident that I could answer most of your questions, but will leave those to a much higher power, and Miss Sophia herself :-)
ReplyDeleteHang in there. You are rockin' it as Sophia's mommy!!! Just look at her face when she sees you! There's your answers.
XOXO
Shelley
The first two truly broke my heart to read. Always remember: Sophia needs YOU AND JOHN/her MOMMY and DADDY more than any doctor, nurse, specialist, etc. Your love is what keeps her going. You are far from being a part-time parent. You guys are so dedicated to Sophia and her care, and I'm proud of that. I especially realized this when you were in the NICU. You were the only one's who were CONSTANTLY there with your child loving her, talking to her, and making sure she was taken care of. I still see this in IICU. I've said it once, and I'll say it again--you're an awesome mom (and John is an awesome dad). If I can be 1/2 of the mother you are one day (one day way far in the future), my kids will be incredibly lucky. Keep pushing forward, and doing what you're doing and everything will work out--because if He brings you to it then He'll bring you through it!
ReplyDeleteI don't know you but I'm from your community and heard about your story through some of your friends. WOW, what you're going through is incredibly tough and has touched me deeply. My 3 yr old son has a rare disease(1/75,000) are born with this. His disease is controlled by diet but can take a turn for the worse without us knowing it and shut down his organs, mental handicaps and the list goes on. Fortunelty we have not spent all the time in the hospital as you have and our son is out enjoying the world like other kids. But, as a parent I totally relate to you, to your ups and downs, your fears and dreams, and this love so strong for your child yet you feel helpless. I remember laying in bed after I had my son, while no one was around because I didn't want them to see me, and all I did was cry. I didnt think I could handle it. I would be the worst mom and how would I ever give this child everything he needs. I'm here to tell you, YOU CAN DO IT! And you will do it without giving it another thought. Your mind will fill with a million thoughts and it's ok if they aren't all good ones. You're still an amazing mom and you can do it. I read your post about mothers knowing best. Always remember that. You DO know best. The biggest thing I've learned is that if I don't speak up for my child no one will. He can't do it and if I don't then he may not get the best care he can get. Sometimes I may come off as a b:$&!, but it's all for his best interest. So continue to speak up, ask questions, and get what your sweet girl needs. I love that you and your husband have grown together because of this! It's truly amazing and the bond you share can only be shared by you two because no one loves Sophie like you two do. Hold tight to each other. Somedays crying to my husband is all that gets me through the day when the emotions and worries take over.
ReplyDeleteI will continue to pray for your little girl but for you and John as well. I will continue to follow your blog, your family is such an inspiration of hope and faith. Praying for many blessings from each of you
You have such a way with words---even in writing out short thoughts. I sit here in tears once again and only wish there was more I could do to help. And I'd LOVE to wash your car :) I've said it before, but sophie is SO lucky to have you and John. You are without a doubt one of the best mommies I've ever seen. Keep your head up and know many are continuing to pray for you all! Go Sophia Go!! Much love to the whole family!
ReplyDelete-Abbi
Amanda, you and John are both wonderful parents! I wanted to let you know that I pray for Sophia, John, and you every day and I'm supporting Sophia in South Carolina! My mom sent me a bracelet and I wear it. When people ask who Sophia is I tell them who she is and that she has very strong parents. She loves you as much if not more than the two of you love her. Stay strong, you can do it, and I know He will make it easier for the three of you.
ReplyDeleteThere is no words to express that gratitude I have towards all of your comments and support. It is so humbling and refreshing to know I have good people in my corner and that are there to support my Sophia through all of this. Thank you all for the kind words, motivation, and prayers.
ReplyDeleteWith all my love,
Amanda Rhodes