Mommy Knows Best

Well, it may have taken me a few days before someone listened to me, but I was right. The vent change was not working for Sophia. As you remember, they moved her to the home vent earlier than projected. She was doing great for several hours and I noticed her breathing was out of sync and her heart rate elevated. I repeated said this is not her normal and had several doctors come and look at her. Now, these people had never seen her before because we had just moved to the IICU that weekend. So to them, she looked clinically well. Well, finally after repeatedly asking, the following night (a whole 24hrs later) they realized I WAS RIGHT!! Tuesday afternoon, she had received her 2 month shots which may have led to her 100 degree fever. With the fever, the heart rate and increased breathing rate, the doctors finally made the call to put her back on CPAP and pressure support on the hospital vent. Their answers are she still is too small for the home vent settings and we need to let her grow a little more before we try again. I was so frustrated, not that she had to go back to the home vent, but that no one was listening to me!!! UGH! I will not stop trying for her...yes I am no doctor but I know my child's normal at this point. Also, I felt like the night nurse was trying to "throw mom under the bus". I will keep those frustrations to myself; however, I will say I let the proper people know my frustrations and the situations is now handled. One last frustration, yesterday before John and I had got back to the hospital the nurse said Sophie was extremely agitated and would not settle therefore gave her a sedation medicine. Okay, I was not there to see the extremities of the situation but I do know they are trying to ween her off of all sedation medication because she needs to start being able to be a baby. So why I ask, do you continue to give it to her. I hope they exhausted all options to trying and settle her before giving her the medication that kept her asleep all day and night. SO FRUSTRATED! I have hit the point in all of this where I just need to YELLL!! AAHHHHHHHH!!! It was so discouraging to see her like that again! I sure know that when mommy and daddy are around we don't seem to need sedation medicine to soothe my baby. YES, I am no DOCTOR but please let my baby be a baby! Needless to say, Sophie has been a very sleep girl the last couple of days. Resting, recovering, and growing I hope. OK I really need to stop venting right now.....on to better topics and happier places!

Sophia is looking great! Her color is beautiful...she has mommy's dark complexion. She is becoming more alert (when they AREN'T sedating her). She also has the most smoochable lips ever! LOVE that baby face! SO hard to believe she is already 2 months old. We are so desperately longing for the day we can bring her home. It is still a distance dream and our newborn is becoming an infant and will be weeks maybe even months older before we get to that point. Breaks my heart everyday. The only thing keeping us going is being able to see her baby improvements daily and looking into that sweet face. We are yet again at a stand still, we can not move forward until Sophie tells us she is ready. I keep telling her how wonderful home will be. I hope she knows how much love and snuggles she will get here. Not to say we aren't giving those to her now but man oh man watch out when we get to be home!

Look at that beautiful face!!!