It is not always rainbows and cupcakes, some days are blessings in disguise. I swear suction is going to be the death of me somedays. It's nonstop. Now add a sickly baby into the mix. I can only imagine that seeing/ hearing any baby with a cough is horrible, now add a trach into the mix. Sophia's coughing can be so hard that it causes her trach to bleed. That is a scary sight. This coughing only increases the ever constant suctioning. Do you know how awful it is to hear that cough- a coarse, strained cough being pushed through a straw in her airway, it's heartbreaking. Can you imagine seeing your baby cry, tears coming from their eyes, streaming down her red/purplish face from straining so hard, but never hearing a sound. It is the most deafening silence I have ever experienced. To watch her cry and hear no sound. I have tried to stay upbeat in my blogs because in most days I really do see the goodness in my life; however, there are days when you think hard enough and it becomes too much, too serious. I guess for those whom read this blog, the reality is that some days are exhausting and stressful. It is reality. It is okay. I do not need pity. I am just sharing the good bad and the wonderfully ugly. I have yet to have a sound nights sleep. I am up and down several times a night. Answering alarms, adjusting and reconnecting wires and tubes, waking out of sheer worry when things are too quite for too long. It's my life. Welcome to parenthood, yes welcome to parenthood where your child is trached and on oxygen and needs almost 24 hour a day suctioning. Yes, welcome to parenthood.
Tomorrow there will be rainbows. Tomorrow will someone bring me a cupcake. A chocolate cupcake!
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