Time to Heal

There is no turning back now. Today has been one of the biggest days for us and Sophia since we arrived at Riley. Today, Sophia underwent surgeries 4 and 5, the tracheotomy and the g-tube. Like most days at Riley, we spent a lot of time talking to doctors, nurses, waiting, preparing and waiting for Sophie's surgeries. Surgery ended up starting around 2 today and once we got the phone call that it was go time, I instantly got that pit in my stomach. John being the awesome daddy that he is, drove Sophia down to the OR in her travel bed because of course no one can drive like daddy and of course no one "handles with care" like daddy. Once in the OR, John and I got to say our "I love yous" as we sent her off in the hands of the surgeons. Today was always the biggest day for Sophia in terms of the nature of her surgeries. Knowing how invasive and how lasting these surgeries were going to be on Sophia really weighed heavy on John and I as we left the OR. John and I both were very overcome with emotions just knowing what our baby girl was about to go through in the OR, and now what we are doing to be going through as a family in terms of the level of care she will continue to need. It just simply overwhelming. Knowing that your baby girl is going into the OR to have holes put in her is hard to digest and knowing these holes aren't going away anytime soon only makes it more difficult. As I have said time and time before, John and I are not naive and we of course know this is for the absolute best and will give Sophia the comfort, support, and care she needs to get healthy and home. It is just simply hard to manage the process, the appearance, and then channel and deal with the management and care. So we broke down and then we helped each other get right back u!!! John and I have found so much strength in each other throughout this journey. I can never express how completely grateful I am to have such an amazing partner and friend in him and I can only hope I am half of what he is to me for him.

 It was very long 4 hour wait. We are very thankful that we were able to have our close family there to support us today and to really just love us and help ease our minds. Once we got news Sophia was in recovery and the surgeries had been successful and small weight was lifted off our hearts but I still had a lingering pit in my stomach. I was so anxious and scared to see her. I was nervous for her new appearance and feared to see her hurting from the pains of surgery. Throughout this journey, I have surprisingly managed to keep my composure when needed, but today was just too much. I almost think I had an anxiety attack just trying to process the "new" and trying not to hurt when I saw Sophia wincing in pain. All and all once the initial shock of it all wore off, I was able to step back, reflect, and say you know what I am so happy that I am now able to see and kiss on her sweet little face without being obstructed by tubes and tape. The new holes and tubes will take some getting use to, but in time I think I will begin to notice them less and less. And the greatest thing of all today, was our nurse allowed us to listen to her breathe through the stethoscope and her breathing was finally sounding free and clear and her baby chest was able to relax. That you couldn't help but to smile at, and be overjoyed with the fact that now she can finally be on the track to healing. Knowing your child now has the comfort she needs to grow is such a blessing that no one can overlook. It gives us peace knowing we made the right decisions for her. And in time, the fears and worries about the trache will too vanish figuratively and literally (someday)!

So now, little miss Sophia is going to be resting and healing for the next week. She will be kept relatively sedated and calm until the trache is changed for the first time and the wounds have been able to firm and grow around the tubes. At the 5-7 day mark the doctor will come around and change the trache, at that time we will finally be able to hold her again. Not being able to hold her will be hard, but worth it in the long run because now I will finally be able to get my hands on her and lover her and hold her like I want too. (well in time). Tonight, the should be able to start feeding her with the g-tube and monitor how that is functioning and healing. Once she is healing and stable enough, John and I will be taught how to properly care for her trache and g-tube and then begin to start the process of heading HOME!!. We can not wait to reach HOME.

GO SOPHIA GO